New beginnings – 30 Sept 2017
A milestone day for me
New Beginnings:It is exactly 3 years to the day that I woke up to a completely new life. So the 30th September 2017 is a really significant day for me, it became my New Beginning. This day symbolizes a transition from one life into the next. Trust me, building a new life didn’t quite happen overnight, but after some shocking circumstances, I have made it through to the other side.
To help me into my new life I am found myself living in Ubud, Bali, in Indonesia – something totally unplanned but a perfect place to be. This whole town seems to be made up of people going through some kind of transition and so to be living in this community of people seems like the most accepting place to be. Everyone is here to heal something, Ubud in Balinese means healing and you only have to experience the energy of the place to feel the special healing energy – it’s in the air. I am sure many people are living here who have probably been through a load of crap and now taking some time out to fully integrate into a new life or just on a holiday from their normal life ( which is often crap too).
It has been really helpful being away from the remnants of my old life, allowing me to freely move onto something new and allowing the time for the healing to take place. Back in the UK, as much as I love my friends and family – I felt dead, and I no longer fit into that life. There was no place for me and seeing me, was seeing the crap that had happened and no one wants to be reminded of that, including me. I feel I have been given the greatest gift of being released into a new world, and for now the island of the Gods that is Bali; has called me be here. The beauty, the people, the weather, nature, everything… including the unpredictability of Mount Agung potentially going off at any minute this last week and especially today as I write this; the anxiety and trauma people may feel is not unfamiliar to me.
Going back to my story, I was told early one morning whilst half asleep in bed, some life-changing news and my only job from that day onwards, was to try and survive the events, work on myself and eventually move into a new life. I can safely say I have survived, it has been a long journey, but I am now happy and grateful for the new beginning – although it is not what I had in mind. I am making the most of it and I am living with the unknown as we do and accepting what is… (Thanks to Byron Katie). I do not know what it will bring or who I will meet, but I feel I am now equipped as best I can to move onwards.
I lost a lot in the last few years, not only my family home, husband, children, but my sanity, my freedom, extended family and close friends. I have gained enormous resilience ( although there was not a lot of choice in this, it came in useful) and now I have new friends (and old), a new temporary home, a new temporary Bali family and a life worth living.
I was given some unconditional acts of kindness on my way through in the darkest parts of my journey, and I have many people to thank for their unconditional support and I am grateful for their ongoing love. I think you will know who you are so I would just like to say thank you Earth Angels – although I thought I was alone there were people appearing to help me, in the strangest of guises.
I am writing this to say that I now accept and forgive what has happened and I would firmly like to put it in my past; it’s just a story and one which is no longer relevant to me. I have embraced life and that is all that matters now. I am on a new adventure and writing is one of them. I have grown through this and found I can do it… but it so much nicer when others can help and be there too!
I love people and I just hope in writing about this I can help others who are struggling with their shit, I just want to say you can do it too! You can lose it all and somehow it can make your life richer in embracing a new life and letting go of the past one. Don’t give up and one thing I have learned which is the hardest thing to do, ( and I am still no expert ) is to ask for help. It does arrive, just keep on asking and it is given. The key is to listen and go within.
Life is for living and compassion and empathy are available you just have to look in the right places and start with yourself. One person who symbolizes all of this for me is the Dalai Lama and he helped show me the path to finding peace within myself. Namaste
There is always and only hope
New life and new beginnings….
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